This is a great blog entry by Dr. Laura on weight management.
Check it out, yo.
Thursday, November 20, 2008
Monday, November 10, 2008
Delving Deeper: Personal Hygiene
A dear friend asked me to delve deeper on this topic. So, here goes!
MEN
1. Shower daily. Please. You tend to get sweaty and that doesn't smell good.
2. Invest in some cologne, and then wear it. Women love cologne. I don't know a girl who doesn't love a man who smells good.
3. Shave daily. Facial hair on younger guys is so not attractive. Even if you think it's hot and displays your macho manliness, you are severely deluded. Scruff is all right--but not if you're kissing someone regularly. Do the girls in your life a favor and keep yourself cleanshaven.
4. Brush your teeth at least twice a day.
5. Deodorant. Cologne doesn't cover it.
WOMEN
1. You don't need to shower every day, unless you have sweat issues or greasy hair. But please, you should be showering at least three times a week.
2. Keep your legs and armpits shaved. No one should be subjected to your hairiness. If you don't like this rule, move to France or Canada.
3. Wear makeup. Even just a little eyeliner and mascara goes such a long way.
4. Brush your teeth at least twice a day.
I hope this just about covers it. If not, whoops. Write in and I'll fix it. And in the meantime, rock on implementing your personal hygiene plan!
MEN
1. Shower daily. Please. You tend to get sweaty and that doesn't smell good.
2. Invest in some cologne, and then wear it. Women love cologne. I don't know a girl who doesn't love a man who smells good.
3. Shave daily. Facial hair on younger guys is so not attractive. Even if you think it's hot and displays your macho manliness, you are severely deluded. Scruff is all right--but not if you're kissing someone regularly. Do the girls in your life a favor and keep yourself cleanshaven.
4. Brush your teeth at least twice a day.
5. Deodorant. Cologne doesn't cover it.
WOMEN
1. You don't need to shower every day, unless you have sweat issues or greasy hair. But please, you should be showering at least three times a week.
2. Keep your legs and armpits shaved. No one should be subjected to your hairiness. If you don't like this rule, move to France or Canada.
3. Wear makeup. Even just a little eyeliner and mascara goes such a long way.
4. Brush your teeth at least twice a day.
I hope this just about covers it. If not, whoops. Write in and I'll fix it. And in the meantime, rock on implementing your personal hygiene plan!
Sunday, November 9, 2008
Helpful Hint: Clothes and Skin Tone
Here is something I found from soyouwanna.com. Find your hair, eye, and skin color and look at the recommended colors for your personal coloring.
Here is another useful site.
* Deep (Vivid coloring)
Hair: Dark-Black, dark brown, chestnut, auburn.
Eyes: Deep-Brown, brown-black, hazel, rich green, olive.
Skin: Beige, olive, bronze.
Recommended colors: Those that are medium to deep in range, like navy, deep brown, blue, purple, charcoal gray, emerald green, mahogany.
* Light (Soft, delicate, fair coloring)
Hair: Light to dark blond, ash blond, golden blond.
Eyes: Blue, blue-green, green, aqua.
Skin: Light-Ivory to soft beige, pink, peach.
Recommended colors: Those that are medium to light and are neither too warm nor too cool, such as grayed-navy, blue-green, turquoise, cocoa, light to medium blue, coral pink, light to medium pink-orange.
* Bright (Contrast in color of hair and skin tone)
Hair: Medium to dark-Ash brown to golden brown, black.
Eyes: Bright and clear-Blue, blue-green, turquoise, steel gray, light hazel.
Skin: Light-Ivory, porcelain
, beige, translucent quality.
Recommended colors: Clear, primary colors like true red, true green, true blue. Also try aqua, violet, bright pink, periwinkle.
* Muted (Neutral look)
Hair: Medium range-Medium ash brown to dark ash blond.
Eyes: Gray-green, hazel, brown-green, brown, dark green.
Skin: Ivory, beige, bronze, golden. Freckles and ruddiness common.
Recommended colors: Soft, blended shades that are neither too warm nor too cool, including rose-brown, blue-green, salmon, rust, watermelon, medium green, warm pink.
* Warm (Total golden glow)
Hair: Medium range-Blond or brown with gold, red or strawberry highlights.
Eyes: Warm-Green, hazel, brown, topaz, blue-green, teal.
Skin: Golden-Beige, ivory, bronze. May have freckles.
Recommended colors: Those that reflect a golden tone, such as beige, peach, yellow, warm red, golden brown, camel, moss green.
* Cool (Softer look)
Hair: Ash brown.
Eyes: Cool-Rose-brown, gray-brown, gray-blue.
Skin: Cool-Beige, rose-beige, pink.
Recommended colors: Those that reflect a gray or blue tone, such as plum, lavender, burgundy, pink, blue-green, slate.
Here is another useful site.
Delving Deeper: Dressing for Men
Men don't have as much variety in shape as women do. Lucky for them. Basically, you have your two basic widths, fat and skinny, and your two basic heights, tall and short. Complex, I know. ^.~
BIGGER MEN
-Avoid all shirts with stripes other than vertical. Vertical is what you want. You love vertical stripes.
-Wear regular cut jeans.
-Please: wear things that fit you. No baggy clothes, no tight clothes. Both will just make you look even larger.
-Avoid T-shirts with prints on them (for example, Hawaiian T's). You don't need the eyes drawn to your bulk.
-Try wearing V-neck shirts. Thin fabrics are best for you.
-Keep your outfits color-coordinated. This isn't to say you should dress like Paris Hilton, just that you should avoid wearing colors together that contrast. Keep to the same color palate.
THINNER MEN
-You are the only group that can ever get away with horizontal stripes. Choose them wisely. A larger stripe across the chest will make you seem buffer.
-Vary your color palate--you can get away with a variety of colors in your outfit at once.
-Avoid loose shirts. Try to wear only fitted clothing.
-Lighter colors will make you look bigger. I don't know why guys always want to look bigger; I like skinny guys myself. But whatever. If you're feeling too anorexic-looking, wear paler colors.
-JUST SAY NO to skinny jeans. I'm sorry, but they are not for you.
Have fun looking awesome!
BIGGER MEN
-Avoid all shirts with stripes other than vertical. Vertical is what you want. You love vertical stripes.
-Wear regular cut jeans.
-Please: wear things that fit you. No baggy clothes, no tight clothes. Both will just make you look even larger.
-Avoid T-shirts with prints on them (for example, Hawaiian T's). You don't need the eyes drawn to your bulk.
-Try wearing V-neck shirts. Thin fabrics are best for you.
-Keep your outfits color-coordinated. This isn't to say you should dress like Paris Hilton, just that you should avoid wearing colors together that contrast. Keep to the same color palate.
THINNER MEN
-You are the only group that can ever get away with horizontal stripes. Choose them wisely. A larger stripe across the chest will make you seem buffer.
-Vary your color palate--you can get away with a variety of colors in your outfit at once.
-Avoid loose shirts. Try to wear only fitted clothing.
-Lighter colors will make you look bigger. I don't know why guys always want to look bigger; I like skinny guys myself. But whatever. If you're feeling too anorexic-looking, wear paler colors.
-JUST SAY NO to skinny jeans. I'm sorry, but they are not for you.
Have fun looking awesome!
Delving Deeper: Dressing for Women
I didn't think the last post really covered as many bases as I wished it had. So here are a few more tips, for women.
First, here is something we should all be aware of. It's called "body type."
This is a picture of the various female body types. The breakdown here is as follows: 46% of women have the Banana shape; 20% of women have the Pear shape; 14% of women have the Apple shape; and only about 8% of women have the Hourglass shape. Here I will quote from Wikipedia's page on the female body shape:
Clearly, these four shapes are very different--and so dressing them requires different things.
FOR PEAR WOMEN:
-Wear trouser-cut pants (pants with wider legs) Always avoid slim-leg pants, which draw attention to the hip. Avoid pockets entirely, and avoid pleats at all cost.
-Only wear dark colors on the bottom. This will make your hips look slimmer.
-When wearing jackets, go for ones with only one button. This will help you look better on top.
-Look for shirts that accentuate the bust, and which drape to the hips. My friend buys knee-length dresses and hems them to the length of a long shirt, and that looks great.
FOR APPLE WOMEN
-Use a rounded-square neckline if you have a large bust. A lower neckline will always look better with a large chest.
-Try emphasizing your waistline with a belt or ribbon.
-Elongate your figure with a knee-length jacket. This will make you look slimmer and deemphasize the heaviness of your upper body.
-If you wear stripes, please make sure they're vertical.
FOR BANANA WOMEN
-If you've got good arms, try a cap sleeve. I'm cautious about advising this because if your arms could possibly be construed as fat, they will with a cap.
-Try double-breasted jackets. Shirts with ruffles and nipped waists will bring out the curviness you want to show off.
-Pleated pants and skinny jeans were invented for you. Wear them.
-Avoid V-necks and plain T's. Stick to real blouses.
FOR HOURGLASS WOMEN
-Wear solid colors on top. This will elongate your figure.
-AVOID shapeless outfits. You should always be wearing one item of clothing that hugs your body and accentuates your curves.
-Wear only single-breasted jackets. Trust me, you do not need a double.
-Be sure to wear fitted blouses. A good bra is a must.
-Tailored pencil skirts and sheaths are a good look for you.
-Avoid boxiness at any cost.
Whew. Well, that was exciting. Good luck, ladies!
First, here is something we should all be aware of. It's called "body type."
This is a picture of the various female body types. The breakdown here is as follows: 46% of women have the Banana shape; 20% of women have the Pear shape; 14% of women have the Apple shape; and only about 8% of women have the Hourglass shape. Here I will quote from Wikipedia's page on the female body shape:
Banana or Straight
the waist circumference is at least 75% of the chest or hips circumferences, which are virtually the same. The body has a relatively high androgen level compared to the estrogen level, and this causes the skeleton to develop in a more masculine pattern and body fat to be distributed predominantly around the waist.
Apple (Triangle downward)
the waist circumference is at most 75% of the chest circumference, and the chest circumference is at least 110% of the hips circumference. Body fat distribution tends to begin in the arms, shoulders, chest and upper abdomen first.
Pear or Spoon or Bell (Triangle upward)
the waist circumference is at least 75%[citation needed] of the chest circumference, and the hips circumference is at least 110%[citation needed] of the chest circumference. The distribution of fat varies, with fat tending to deposit first in the buttocks, hips and thighs. As body fat percentage increases, an increasing proportion of body fat is distributed around the waist and upper abdomen.
Hourglass shape (Triangles opposing, facing in)
the waist circumference is less than 75% of the chest or hips circumferences, which are virtually the same. Body fat distribution tends to be around both the upper body and lower body. This body type enlarges the arms, breasts, hips and rear before other parts, including waist and upper abdomen. Due to the preference shown to physical symmetry, many celebrities falsely claim hourglass measurements but actually rate closer to a straight figure or apple.
Clearly, these four shapes are very different--and so dressing them requires different things.
FOR PEAR WOMEN:
-Wear trouser-cut pants (pants with wider legs) Always avoid slim-leg pants, which draw attention to the hip. Avoid pockets entirely, and avoid pleats at all cost.
-Only wear dark colors on the bottom. This will make your hips look slimmer.
-When wearing jackets, go for ones with only one button. This will help you look better on top.
-Look for shirts that accentuate the bust, and which drape to the hips. My friend buys knee-length dresses and hems them to the length of a long shirt, and that looks great.
FOR APPLE WOMEN
-Use a rounded-square neckline if you have a large bust. A lower neckline will always look better with a large chest.
-Try emphasizing your waistline with a belt or ribbon.
-Elongate your figure with a knee-length jacket. This will make you look slimmer and deemphasize the heaviness of your upper body.
-If you wear stripes, please make sure they're vertical.
FOR BANANA WOMEN
-If you've got good arms, try a cap sleeve. I'm cautious about advising this because if your arms could possibly be construed as fat, they will with a cap.
-Try double-breasted jackets. Shirts with ruffles and nipped waists will bring out the curviness you want to show off.
-Pleated pants and skinny jeans were invented for you. Wear them.
-Avoid V-necks and plain T's. Stick to real blouses.
FOR HOURGLASS WOMEN
-Wear solid colors on top. This will elongate your figure.
-AVOID shapeless outfits. You should always be wearing one item of clothing that hugs your body and accentuates your curves.
-Wear only single-breasted jackets. Trust me, you do not need a double.
-Be sure to wear fitted blouses. A good bra is a must.
-Tailored pencil skirts and sheaths are a good look for you.
-Avoid boxiness at any cost.
Whew. Well, that was exciting. Good luck, ladies!
Tip #10: Dressing to Date
Here's the deal. Do you want to date an ugly person?
Do you want to date someone who doesn't care about what he or she looks like?
Um. I doubt that you do.
While it's true that we should all want people who value our insides more than our outsides, and while it's true that we should all be people who value insides more than outsides, the hard truth is that the external side of people matters. It does.
My personal rule: if you can't kiss it, don't date it. They say not to judge a book by its cover, and you shouldn't, generally speaking. But in dating, especially if you're dating for marriage, it's probably smarter to sort all the books by their covers and then start reading the insides of the books whose covers you can stand. :o)
So, where does that leave us?
That leaves us with the responsibility of looking as good as we possibly can.
There are a few things we all can do to make ourselves look better. Showering regularly and keeping up with personal hygiene is a given. Avoiding all shirts with horizontal stripes is also a good idea. For women, wearing a little makeup is smart, as is doing your hair. For men, I don't think going totally metro is the way to go, necessarily, because a lot of girls may think you're gay. However, you can invest in some nice darkwash jeans and some casual button-up collared shirts. Those look good on basically everyone.
How you look shouldn't matter, but it does. If you're not dating as much as you'd like, the sad truth is that it may have something to do with how you are treating and dressing your body. A good way to up your chances with dating is to take better care of how you look. Amen.
Do you want to date someone who doesn't care about what he or she looks like?
Um. I doubt that you do.
While it's true that we should all want people who value our insides more than our outsides, and while it's true that we should all be people who value insides more than outsides, the hard truth is that the external side of people matters. It does.
My personal rule: if you can't kiss it, don't date it. They say not to judge a book by its cover, and you shouldn't, generally speaking. But in dating, especially if you're dating for marriage, it's probably smarter to sort all the books by their covers and then start reading the insides of the books whose covers you can stand. :o)
So, where does that leave us?
That leaves us with the responsibility of looking as good as we possibly can.
There are a few things we all can do to make ourselves look better. Showering regularly and keeping up with personal hygiene is a given. Avoiding all shirts with horizontal stripes is also a good idea. For women, wearing a little makeup is smart, as is doing your hair. For men, I don't think going totally metro is the way to go, necessarily, because a lot of girls may think you're gay. However, you can invest in some nice darkwash jeans and some casual button-up collared shirts. Those look good on basically everyone.
How you look shouldn't matter, but it does. If you're not dating as much as you'd like, the sad truth is that it may have something to do with how you are treating and dressing your body. A good way to up your chances with dating is to take better care of how you look. Amen.
Saturday, November 8, 2008
Enlightenment: Why You're Never Asked Out By the Guy You Like
Okay. Going back to my other post about girls not asking guys out: have you ever noticed that people usually get asked out on dates by the guys they're not interested in?
Have you ever wondered why?
It's because when you're interested in a guy, it's the most natural thing to do to flirt with him. And let him know you're interested.
And do you know what this does?
It removes the challenge.
Can you see how not good this is? And does it make sense why it's only the guys you're not interested in that go after you?
Do yourself a favor and start treating the guys you like as if they really weren't that special to you (at least before you're officially Together). You'll be amazed at how your odds will change.
Just remember--sometimes things don't work out with the guys you'd like them to. Sometimes even acting completely uninterested won't do the trick. But just hang in there. You'll end up with someone even better.
Have you ever wondered why?
It's because when you're interested in a guy, it's the most natural thing to do to flirt with him. And let him know you're interested.
And do you know what this does?
It removes the challenge.
Can you see how not good this is? And does it make sense why it's only the guys you're not interested in that go after you?
Do yourself a favor and start treating the guys you like as if they really weren't that special to you (at least before you're officially Together). You'll be amazed at how your odds will change.
Just remember--sometimes things don't work out with the guys you'd like them to. Sometimes even acting completely uninterested won't do the trick. But just hang in there. You'll end up with someone even better.
Tip #9: Girls: How to Reject a Date
I'm always kind of a hater with guys because most of them don't know how to ask a girl out. But guys, fear not: I'm also a hater with girls, because many of them don't know how to reject an unwanted date.
Ladies: accepting a date is pretty simple. A guy asks you out, and you say yes. Cool.
Obviously, rejecting a date is much more difficult. You have this sweet guy who's just put himself on the line by asking you out, and you're busy--or just plain not interested. Now what?
My personal rule is, in casual dating, if you can't go or don't want to go, you give the same answer: a simple "no." None of this suggesting another time business. You want a guy who'll work to get you, right?
Still, many girls can't wrap their minds around this, and boys often are just too lame to try again, so girls, if you like this guy, just suggest another time when you're not busy. I guess.
But that's not the messy bit. The messy bit is ending the weird non-relationship you have going on with the guy who wants to take you out, but you don't want to go with. This is the hard part.
My rules here allow for two options:
1. Just say no thanks. If he presses you on it, just tell him it is "simply impossible." It looks a little archaic here on this blog, but trust me: it works like magic. Just adamantly protest that going out with him is simply impossible, and let the chips fall where they may.
2. Say no and leave it at that. And if he asks you out again later, just flat-out tell him that you're not interested.
Many girls have a One Date Rule. That's to say, they won't reject a guy without going on at least one date with him first.
I think that's a nice rule, but it's not for everyone. Certainly not for me. So don't feel too bad if you decide to reject someone flat out--but remember that you just might be missing out on someone fantastic. Most people deserve a chance.
Ladies: accepting a date is pretty simple. A guy asks you out, and you say yes. Cool.
Obviously, rejecting a date is much more difficult. You have this sweet guy who's just put himself on the line by asking you out, and you're busy--or just plain not interested. Now what?
My personal rule is, in casual dating, if you can't go or don't want to go, you give the same answer: a simple "no." None of this suggesting another time business. You want a guy who'll work to get you, right?
Still, many girls can't wrap their minds around this, and boys often are just too lame to try again, so girls, if you like this guy, just suggest another time when you're not busy. I guess.
But that's not the messy bit. The messy bit is ending the weird non-relationship you have going on with the guy who wants to take you out, but you don't want to go with. This is the hard part.
My rules here allow for two options:
1. Just say no thanks. If he presses you on it, just tell him it is "simply impossible." It looks a little archaic here on this blog, but trust me: it works like magic. Just adamantly protest that going out with him is simply impossible, and let the chips fall where they may.
2. Say no and leave it at that. And if he asks you out again later, just flat-out tell him that you're not interested.
Many girls have a One Date Rule. That's to say, they won't reject a guy without going on at least one date with him first.
I think that's a nice rule, but it's not for everyone. Certainly not for me. So don't feel too bad if you decide to reject someone flat out--but remember that you just might be missing out on someone fantastic. Most people deserve a chance.
Tip #8: Asking Her Out
So, now that we've established that women should never ask men out--now what?
Well. Here is a sad truth: most men have no clue as to how to ask a woman on a date.
Here is an example of a guy asking a girl on a date:
Clueless guy: Hey, you free during the weekend at all?
Girl: Uhhh...
This is clearly a failing way to ask a girl out. The guy is being way too vague. And "vague" is not the message you want to send, I'm pretty sure. Not if you mean it about this girl.
Clueless guy: Hey, do you want to go out with me sometime?
Girl: Uhh....
This is also a failing way to ask a girl out. If she doesn't want to go out with you, what is she supposed to say? Awkward!
The correct way to ask a girl out has a very specific format.
So, here is an example of the proper way to do it:
Guy: Hey! Sarah, if you're free this Friday, I was wondering if you'd like to come ice skating with me at around 7 o'clock.
Here is another example:
Guy: Elizabeth, would you like to come with me to the opera on Saturday? It starts at 8, so we'd probably want to leave around 5, and I'd like to take you out to dinner, too. You in?
And another:
Guy: Lisa, I just got tickets to the ballet showing this Friday night at 7:30. Would you like to come with me?
These are good examples because they include the time, date, and activity, and any girl who couldn't tell those were dates would be crazy.
Guys: PLEASE learn how to ask girls out! Practice these techniques! They are important!
Well. Here is a sad truth: most men have no clue as to how to ask a woman on a date.
Here is an example of a guy asking a girl on a date:
Clueless guy: Hey, you free during the weekend at all?
Girl: Uhhh...
This is clearly a failing way to ask a girl out. The guy is being way too vague. And "vague" is not the message you want to send, I'm pretty sure. Not if you mean it about this girl.
Clueless guy: Hey, do you want to go out with me sometime?
Girl: Uhh....
This is also a failing way to ask a girl out. If she doesn't want to go out with you, what is she supposed to say? Awkward!
The correct way to ask a girl out has a very specific format.
NECESSARY ELEMENTS IN ASKING A GIRL OUT
-the date
-the time
-the activity
-at least some sort of signal clarifying that it is, in fact, a date
So, here is an example of the proper way to do it:
Guy: Hey! Sarah, if you're free this Friday, I was wondering if you'd like to come ice skating with me at around 7 o'clock.
Here is another example:
Guy: Elizabeth, would you like to come with me to the opera on Saturday? It starts at 8, so we'd probably want to leave around 5, and I'd like to take you out to dinner, too. You in?
And another:
Guy: Lisa, I just got tickets to the ballet showing this Friday night at 7:30. Would you like to come with me?
These are good examples because they include the time, date, and activity, and any girl who couldn't tell those were dates would be crazy.
Guys: PLEASE learn how to ask girls out! Practice these techniques! They are important!
Tip #7: Girls, NO Asking Boys Out!
The first rule of actual dating is that girls should NEVER ask boys out. This is a recipe for utter disaster.
Now, you'll hear a lot of dissent about this, mostly from men and feminists (who, in their own way, are practically men too). But let's think about this.
Girls, you want a guy you know cares about you and wants to be with you. True? True. And what surer way is there to know that the guy you're with cares about you, than to make him work for it?
This means:
1. NO asking him out.
2. NO talking to him first.
3. NO asking him to dance.
4. NO acting too interested.
It's true, as many guys will tell you, that many guys are nervous and afraid of being awkward. And they do appreciate the helpful hints that you like them. However, what does this really say about the guy?
I'm sorry, men. It says that you are wimpy and need to figure out how much you like this girl. If a man is THAT into a girl, nothing will stop him from doing anything he can to be with her, to figure her out. And ladies, that is the type of man you want. True fact. You want a man who will do anything to figure you out, because he cares that much.
So, please. Don't ask him out. Let him ask you out. This is the only way to know for sure that you're ending up with a guy who really cares about you.
Now, you'll hear a lot of dissent about this, mostly from men and feminists (who, in their own way, are practically men too). But let's think about this.
Girls, you want a guy you know cares about you and wants to be with you. True? True. And what surer way is there to know that the guy you're with cares about you, than to make him work for it?
This means:
1. NO asking him out.
2. NO talking to him first.
3. NO asking him to dance.
4. NO acting too interested.
It's true, as many guys will tell you, that many guys are nervous and afraid of being awkward. And they do appreciate the helpful hints that you like them. However, what does this really say about the guy?
I'm sorry, men. It says that you are wimpy and need to figure out how much you like this girl. If a man is THAT into a girl, nothing will stop him from doing anything he can to be with her, to figure her out. And ladies, that is the type of man you want. True fact. You want a man who will do anything to figure you out, because he cares that much.
So, please. Don't ask him out. Let him ask you out. This is the only way to know for sure that you're ending up with a guy who really cares about you.
Monday, July 14, 2008
Friday, July 11, 2008
Helpful Hint: Getting Over Grudges
If you still have issues in your life you struggle to get over, you may benefit from this exercise.
Pull out a piece of paper and make a list of all the things you have yet to forgive in your life. Identify who is to "blame" for these problems.
Now, try to think of every redeeming quality those people have, one at a time. Look at the things they have done to you that you can't get over. Might they have had your best interests in mind? Why do you feel the need to hold on to the feelings of anger, jealousy, hatred? Explain that on paper to yourself. After you're done, write a list of things you could begin remembering that could help you get over your past.
Pull out a piece of paper and make a list of all the things you have yet to forgive in your life. Identify who is to "blame" for these problems.
Now, try to think of every redeeming quality those people have, one at a time. Look at the things they have done to you that you can't get over. Might they have had your best interests in mind? Why do you feel the need to hold on to the feelings of anger, jealousy, hatred? Explain that on paper to yourself. After you're done, write a list of things you could begin remembering that could help you get over your past.
ALLIE'S SAMPLE GRUDGE LIST
WHAT
Harassing me about debates, being whiny and obnoxious
WHO
My Arch-Nemesis
What is good about my arch-nemesis?
-he has a girlfriend who loves him, so there must be something lovable there
-he reads a lot
-he cares about things
-he's proactive enough to bug me about stuff he finds important
These are all things I like: being proactive, expanding your mind, caring about important things.
Why did he do what he did?
Apparently, he wanted a chance to promote his ideas and advertise for our clubs in a more widely-advertised way.
Is there anything good about this?
Yes. I like to support my own ideas, and advertise for my club. His point of view is understandable.
Why do I need to hold onto this grudge? Is there anything keeping me from moving on?
...maybe not.
Tuesday, July 8, 2008
Tip #6: Get Over It.
We've all had tough lives. I firmly believe that everyone's life is tough. Even if you sit there and watch seven of your loved ones keel over and die in the space of three weeks, and your best friend's major issue is merely a large zit on her nose, I do believe that we are all given the trials we need. All of us suffer, and eventually have to get over it.
If you are dwelling on issues from the past, today is the day to get over them. Learn to forgive. This is a vital skill in any relationship, and you can't possibly expect to have a truly functional relationship with anyone if you haven't gotten your past issues taken care of first.
Forgiveness can be extremely difficult. All of us have been wounded by others, both intentionally and otherwise, and sometimes those wounds go very deep. Start by praying for the ability to forgive, and open your heart to the possibility of it. Remember that holding a grudge can be pretty draining. If you deserve someone who can give you their 100%, you should be willing to give 100% to them too--and you can't do that while still being a hater.
Get over your haterhood.
Of course, it's not always that easy. I've had friends who were raped, abused; how do you forgive that? How do you forgive a parent's neglect? It's not easy. While I was growing up I felt pretty neglected by my parents, and it took years of therapy and prayer to change that. Now we are on good terms, but for a good decade there we weren't. Getting over my issues with them was difficult--but you have to start somewhere. Even if the task seems impossible, you will be happy when it's over, and the first step to getting over that is to start. Decide today that you want to let go.
If you are dwelling on issues from the past, today is the day to get over them. Learn to forgive. This is a vital skill in any relationship, and you can't possibly expect to have a truly functional relationship with anyone if you haven't gotten your past issues taken care of first.
Forgiveness can be extremely difficult. All of us have been wounded by others, both intentionally and otherwise, and sometimes those wounds go very deep. Start by praying for the ability to forgive, and open your heart to the possibility of it. Remember that holding a grudge can be pretty draining. If you deserve someone who can give you their 100%, you should be willing to give 100% to them too--and you can't do that while still being a hater.
Get over your haterhood.
Of course, it's not always that easy. I've had friends who were raped, abused; how do you forgive that? How do you forgive a parent's neglect? It's not easy. While I was growing up I felt pretty neglected by my parents, and it took years of therapy and prayer to change that. Now we are on good terms, but for a good decade there we weren't. Getting over my issues with them was difficult--but you have to start somewhere. Even if the task seems impossible, you will be happy when it's over, and the first step to getting over that is to start. Decide today that you want to let go.
STORYTIME WITH ALLIE
I have a few stories here. The first involves one of my exboyfriends. This guy couldn't forgive anyone for anything. He held grudges about innocent mistakes, about minor things with good intentions. He also held grudges about, obviously, larger things. If he ever reads this it may even inflame his long-term grudge against me. Anyway, I should have been a little more alerted to his lack of forgiveness before we started dating. This habit of his was unhealthy for our relationship: I felt often like I had to tiptoe around his feelings, because if I didn't he would arbitrarily decide to hate me and not get over it, like he had with so many people and things in the past. Clearly, this was unhealthy.
A year later, I was dating my current squeeze, and I was dealing with some issues with a political enemy, my arch-nemesis. It wasn't exactly a SUPERPASSIONATE problem I had with him, but it was reasonably debilitating. For Lent, I gave up hating on him, and after longer than 40 days, it finally worked. Today, he and I are pretty good friends, even though we will probably never agree on anything politically. I know that my getting over my animosity toward him was important, because once I got over it, I was able to devote more of that energy toward being happy, making myself a better person, and helping my significant other be happy too.
And here's one more story for you. Just a little while ago, my boyfriend and I were discussing our future plans, and he accidentally caught sight of a few sentences from my journal, which he laughed at. These particular lines were pretty personal and relevant to what we were talking about, and I was pretty hurt. I was glad, though, that I could remember that he didn't know how personal that bit was, and when he apologized for laughing I could forgive him right away, even though it still hurt. The fact of forgiveness is that it isn't easy until you make it easy for yourself, and sometimes even after you forgive you still have a wound to heal alone. And that's okay. Life is painful, but you really do have to get over. Learn to forgive, because finding the love of your life isn't going to be that great if you just chase them away with your grudges.
Monday, July 7, 2008
Tip #5: Dress for Success
Is that not the tritest phrase ever? "Dress for success." We've all heard it a zillion times, but what does it really mean? How many of us take this to heart?
Now, let me first say something before I get to the meat of this entry. Clothing is obviously not everything. It is not nearly as important as personality or spirit. There are plenty of people in this world who dress strangely and still get happy endings in the end. However, I am here to help you in case you feel like you'd like to dress to look good.
What is the point of clothing? Well, obviously there are lots of reasons why we wear clothes. For warmth, to cover up places we don't want people to see, for general comfort. However, function and aesthetics should never be enemies, and they don't need to be.
Obviously, clothing could take up its own blog. A blog which I would love to write, but alas, do not have the time for. Oh well. The first tip is to figure out what kind of body type you have.
Women usually have one of the following body types:
Stick--almost no curves, just kind of straight
Apple--curvy, with more fat in the stomach area
Pear--small torso, wider hips
Hourglass--even distribution of fat in chest and hips.
Men have the following body types:
Ectomorph--not much muscle or fat tissue (long and skinny)
Mesomorph--strong musculature, naturally has lots of muscle tissue
Endomorph--naturally has more fat tissue.
Basically. I paraphrased.
Men, this is a handy website. Seriously, please poke around it for a while. Figure out your colors and styles and build them into your wardrobe. Yes, it is worth it to spend several hundred dollars to build up a decent collection of good clothing.
Remember that what you wear on the outside is a reflection of who you are on the inside. Are you really still in high school on the inside? Even if you aren't, that is what your clothing will say if that's what you're still wearing.
Women: remember that the point of clothing for you is to make yourself look like you have an hourglass figure. If you're top-heavy, wear some good belts slung low on the waist. If you're waist-heavy, wear baby-doll tops and shirts that emphasize the bust, drawing attention away from the lower half. If you don't already, watch What Not to Wear on TLC, officially one of my favorite shows ever. Also, getting a subscription to a good fashion magazine or two wouldn't hurt.
Remember: even though people should appreciate the beauty within, you can't expect them to give you a chance if you aren't emphasizing the beauty without.
But seriously: do you want a significant other who dresses like they've never heard of a mirror? No. So wear nice clothes. Dang it.
Now, let me first say something before I get to the meat of this entry. Clothing is obviously not everything. It is not nearly as important as personality or spirit. There are plenty of people in this world who dress strangely and still get happy endings in the end. However, I am here to help you in case you feel like you'd like to dress to look good.
What is the point of clothing? Well, obviously there are lots of reasons why we wear clothes. For warmth, to cover up places we don't want people to see, for general comfort. However, function and aesthetics should never be enemies, and they don't need to be.
Obviously, clothing could take up its own blog. A blog which I would love to write, but alas, do not have the time for. Oh well. The first tip is to figure out what kind of body type you have.
Women usually have one of the following body types:
Stick--almost no curves, just kind of straight
Apple--curvy, with more fat in the stomach area
Pear--small torso, wider hips
Hourglass--even distribution of fat in chest and hips.
Men have the following body types:
Ectomorph--not much muscle or fat tissue (long and skinny)
Mesomorph--strong musculature, naturally has lots of muscle tissue
Endomorph--naturally has more fat tissue.
Basically. I paraphrased.
Men, this is a handy website. Seriously, please poke around it for a while. Figure out your colors and styles and build them into your wardrobe. Yes, it is worth it to spend several hundred dollars to build up a decent collection of good clothing.
Remember that what you wear on the outside is a reflection of who you are on the inside. Are you really still in high school on the inside? Even if you aren't, that is what your clothing will say if that's what you're still wearing.
Women: remember that the point of clothing for you is to make yourself look like you have an hourglass figure. If you're top-heavy, wear some good belts slung low on the waist. If you're waist-heavy, wear baby-doll tops and shirts that emphasize the bust, drawing attention away from the lower half. If you don't already, watch What Not to Wear on TLC, officially one of my favorite shows ever. Also, getting a subscription to a good fashion magazine or two wouldn't hurt.
Remember: even though people should appreciate the beauty within, you can't expect them to give you a chance if you aren't emphasizing the beauty without.
But seriously: do you want a significant other who dresses like they've never heard of a mirror? No. So wear nice clothes. Dang it.
STORYTIME WITH ALLIE
I love clothing. And yet, it has often been the case that I end up dating guys with no real fashion sense. I've decided it's okay, because I'm open-minded enough to deal with that, but it can sometimes be interesting.
For example, my current boyfriend took a month off from life to go on a tour of the nation, and also America's Hat (Canada). Halfway through the trip, he stopped in DC t see me. When he got off the train, he basically looked like a hobo. A very attractive hobo, perhaps, but a hobo nonetheless. I was, of course, dressed up in my work clothes (I work for the government these days). We spent our first night together again wandering the city dressed like that, and it was certainly a sight to behold. Of course, in that situation he didn't really have any options, and later I went home and donned some less-nice clothing, but the point is, it's best if you kind of look like you match the person you want to date, at least in how much you care about your personal appearance.
Remember: dressing well doesn't just help you get a date. It also helps you get jobs, and secure the general respect of other people. Therefore, dressing well is a good thing.
Saturday, July 5, 2008
Tip #4: Confidence!
So far a few of these entries here have been about the idea of coming to the conclusion that you are good enough. What this all is eventually supposed to add up to is... bazam bazam, CONFIDENCE!
Confidence and pride are not the same thing. This is my pet peeve. So many people put themselves down for the sake of alleged humility, and it's really not good for anyone.
Pride is when you build yourself up at the expense of others. Confidence is merely understanding your own self-worth. You can be humble and still recognize that you are a talented artist, or a great writer, or a good athlete. Being modest does not mean putting yourself down so others can feel better about themselves. Being modest means abstaining from pride.
I know we've all heard or seen this quotation before, but I'm going to bring it up again:
We are all meant to shine. That is the essence of confidence, but also of humility. We have been created to lift each other up, to help each other with our talents and our light. Are you cultivating that inner light? Are you letting it shine through?
Confidence is important because in a very real way it makes everything else possible. Don't be afraid to let yourself shine. Find out what you're good at and cultivate it, let it out.
Confidence and pride are not the same thing. This is my pet peeve. So many people put themselves down for the sake of alleged humility, and it's really not good for anyone.
Pride is when you build yourself up at the expense of others. Confidence is merely understanding your own self-worth. You can be humble and still recognize that you are a talented artist, or a great writer, or a good athlete. Being modest does not mean putting yourself down so others can feel better about themselves. Being modest means abstaining from pride.
I know we've all heard or seen this quotation before, but I'm going to bring it up again:
Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others. -Marianne Williamson
We are all meant to shine. That is the essence of confidence, but also of humility. We have been created to lift each other up, to help each other with our talents and our light. Are you cultivating that inner light? Are you letting it shine through?
Confidence is important because in a very real way it makes everything else possible. Don't be afraid to let yourself shine. Find out what you're good at and cultivate it, let it out.
STORYTIME WITH ALLIE
This is such an important idea. The other night I was talking to my favorite person ever about this topic. I think it's one that's often misrepresented. Confidence, and true understanding of self-worth, is deemed less important than so-called "modesty," putting yourself down. That's not what life is about.
I don't remember the first time I finally figured that out. I think it was a process more than anything. It's something you have to think about and ponder, and one day just decide to let yourself be seen for what you are.
Friday, July 4, 2008
Helpful Hint: What Makes You Happy?
This is a good exercise. Pull out a sheet of paper and write about the top ten things that make you happiest. I think this tells a lot about a person.
ALLIE'S SAMPLE LIST
(in no particular order)
1. Ideas
2. Knowing things
3. Freedom
4. Flowers
5. Waterfalls
6. Suddenly understanding new things
7. Communicating my thoughts correctly
8. Listening to the meaningful thoughts of others
9. Putting my life in order
10. Being with people I love
Wednesday, July 2, 2008
Tip #3: Your Life Is Your Mirror
Your life is your mirror.
Two books everyone should read on this topic: As A Man Thinketh by James Allen, and The Power of Your Subconscious Mind by Joseph Murphy.
The basic idea is, I guess, boiled down into the idea of karma. You get what you give, you are what you think, and your circumstances are an effect of who you are. Events are effects; thoughts are the cause. If you change your thoughts, because you have changed the cause you will change the effect.
This is a vastly important idea to master while you're looking for a companion, because necessarily your companion, or lack of one, is a manifestation of the thoughts and thought patterns you are creating.
Nothing comes into your life except that which you need to learn and grow--we aren't thrown into the refiner's fire because there's nothing to burn out; we are thrown into the refiner's fire to burn out the dross. If we feel lonely, if we feel sad, if we feel lost, the only way to overcome these feelings is to change our thought patterns. We must realize that we deserve better.
How many times have you heard a sad person complain that they are depressed? Or a single person complain that they are lonely? Dwelling on thoughts like this is not the way to get out of them. Every time unpleasant thoughts enter our minds, we must replace them with others, because we get what we think about. If we dwell on the miserable and unhappy, that is all we can expect to get in our lives.
I think this is true for everything in life, because I do not believe that God would ever allow unnecessary suffering. However, since this is a dating blog, let's focus on that aspect of it.
Take a look at your dating life. If you're reading this blog, you're probably not that happy with it. I think in today's age we are taught to blame others--it's my parents' fault, my teachers' fault. I wasn't breastfed. The real issue here isn't what happened to you, it's how you feel about what's happened to you, what you think about it and what you do about it. If you're not happy with your life, change how you think, and your life must necessarily change too.
Two books everyone should read on this topic: As A Man Thinketh by James Allen, and The Power of Your Subconscious Mind by Joseph Murphy.
The basic idea is, I guess, boiled down into the idea of karma. You get what you give, you are what you think, and your circumstances are an effect of who you are. Events are effects; thoughts are the cause. If you change your thoughts, because you have changed the cause you will change the effect.
This is a vastly important idea to master while you're looking for a companion, because necessarily your companion, or lack of one, is a manifestation of the thoughts and thought patterns you are creating.
Nothing comes into your life except that which you need to learn and grow--we aren't thrown into the refiner's fire because there's nothing to burn out; we are thrown into the refiner's fire to burn out the dross. If we feel lonely, if we feel sad, if we feel lost, the only way to overcome these feelings is to change our thought patterns. We must realize that we deserve better.
How many times have you heard a sad person complain that they are depressed? Or a single person complain that they are lonely? Dwelling on thoughts like this is not the way to get out of them. Every time unpleasant thoughts enter our minds, we must replace them with others, because we get what we think about. If we dwell on the miserable and unhappy, that is all we can expect to get in our lives.
I think this is true for everything in life, because I do not believe that God would ever allow unnecessary suffering. However, since this is a dating blog, let's focus on that aspect of it.
Take a look at your dating life. If you're reading this blog, you're probably not that happy with it. I think in today's age we are taught to blame others--it's my parents' fault, my teachers' fault. I wasn't breastfed. The real issue here isn't what happened to you, it's how you feel about what's happened to you, what you think about it and what you do about it. If you're not happy with your life, change how you think, and your life must necessarily change too.
STORYTIME WITH ALLIE
I have great faith in this idea, and I've been living my life by it for a while. I believe that people think about you what you think about them; when you think to yourself how stupid someone else is, you only make yourself dumber. But when you think more beautiful thoughts, those show in your life as well.
In my own life, I think this has manifested in many ways. As far as I know, I'm only on unpleasant terms with one person in this world, and to be fair, I don't always think amazingly highly of him myself. I have been extraordinarily blessed with money and health, and a wonderful man in my life. You get what you earn in life, and what you earn, you earn through your thoughts.
Monday, June 30, 2008
Tip #2: Bring Out the Best
Now that you know who you are and why you're worth dating, the time has come to begin bringing that out. There are five areas in which everything in your life falls:
1. Physical
2. Emotional
3. Spiritual
4. Mental
5. Social.
The time has come for you to make goals in each of these areas and make yourself the best you can be. This is a time for true introspection--even when the things you may see may not be what you want to see. I'm including a list of questions you might ask yourself for each area, and a list of things you can do to increase your abilities in these areas. If you want the best person possible to find you, you need to make yourself the best person possible you can be.
1. PHYSICAL.
What is my BMI? Is it appropriate for my height? Does the food I eat make me feel better when I eat it? Do I suffer from any unnecessary physical problems that could be curbed with diet or exercise? When I look in the mirror, do I feel good about myself? Do my clothes fit me correctly and emphasize the things I like about my body?
Tips--
-write a list of all the things you like about your body. Keep it by your mirror and read it while you get ready for the day.
-find a form of exercise you like. Running, swimming, tennis, yoga--just get up and move around for a few minutes every day. 15-45 minutes should do it, but be faithful, and don't give it up. Being healthy and attractive is a lifestyle choice. Exercising only when you feel especially bad about yourself isn't going to make you feel good about yourself all the time.
-eat only food that makes you feel better. Even if you like the taste of ice cream or Sour Patch Kids, it's not super likely that they're going to make you feel better when you eat them. I recommend a mostly plant-based diet, heavy on fiber and plant proteins. This will not only help you lose weight, but it is much better for your body.
-read The China Study by T. Colin Campbell. This is the most important book on health I could possibly recommend. READ IT!
2. EMOTIONAL
Do I feel victimized? Is there anyone in my life whom I cannot forgive? How can I get over these problems? Are my relationships with my friends and family healthy? If not, why not? How can I change this? Do I only surround myself with people who uplift me, or do I allow myself to stick with "friends" who only drag me down?
Tips
-make a list of the people with whom you spend the most time. Remember that you are only a composite of the five people you are most with. Are these five people who you want to be?
-do what you can to make the relationships you currently have in your life healthier. Spend some quality time with a friend, or a sibling.
-apologize and ask for forgiveness, if you need to. Pray for the ability to forgive those in your life who have wronged you.
-remember that you can only be a victim if you choose to be. Your soul is a magnet, attracting only things to it that belong there. As James Allen once wrote, we in our society spend a lot of time blaming the oppressors for oppressing--but perhaps we should also blame the oppressed for allowing themselves to remain that way. No one can make you a victim unless you have the mindset of a victim. Change this mindset today.
-read As a Man Thinketh by James Allen. It's like 70 pages long and takes less than an hour to read. You can pick up a copy at your local bookstore for like $5.
3. SPIRITUAL.
Do I know why I am here? Do I have an overriding belief in a Higher Power? Do I believe there is a reason for me to be here? Am I happy with my personal beliefs? Am I certain they are true? Am I sure I understand everything God and the Universe want me to?
Tips
-if you are unsure of your purpose, take some time to ponder it. Spend some time talking to God, your Higher Power, or the Universe, and don't be afraid to ask for answers. Be sure you are open to understanding the answers you are given, and that you are open to acting on the ideas that enter your mind and heart during those times.
-be grateful for everything you have, and for every opportunity. Thank God for your blessings--or your Higher Power or the Universe. Gratitude is one key to spiritual health.
-take the time to read the literature of other faiths. Even if you don't believe them, they may hold ideas that can help you figure out what you do believe.
4. MENTAL
Do I know enough about current events to carry on a brief conversation? Am I familiar with a variety of topics that could appeal to someone I would be interested in knowing? In which areas do I need to learn more? Have I developed opinions about important matters? Do I get good grades? Do I devote some time every day to learning something new?
-read. Every day. If you cannot carry on an intelligent conversation about a wide variety of issues and ideas, you need to read more.
-remember this order: People, Events, Ideas. These are the things human beings talk about. The "People" category is bad--gossip is way unattractive. Ideas are the things you should strive for. Do you understand a variety of ideas? Do you come up with new ideas often? If not, you should begin to search out new ideas that you enjoy learning about.
-set aside some time every day to improve your mind. Read a book, practice an instrument, make a code and write some journal entries in it. Or even just think. Try to solve a problem from a different direction.
-develop opinions on topics that matter. If someone asks you for your opinion on the legalization of marijuana, you shouldn't have to check "Not sure/no opinion."
5. SOCIAL.
Do I have enough friends? Do I like the friends I have? Am I passive-aggressive with the people I love? Do I make friends easily? If I needed help, who could I turn to?
Tips
-always try to make a new friend. Yes, it can be awkward. Just go and talk to someone who looks as uncomfortable as you feel. You'll both be grateful for the interaction.
-don't be afraid to ditch those in your life who don't build you up. You deserve people who make you feel and do your best. Seek those people out.
-read How to Make Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie.
1. Physical
2. Emotional
3. Spiritual
4. Mental
5. Social.
The time has come for you to make goals in each of these areas and make yourself the best you can be. This is a time for true introspection--even when the things you may see may not be what you want to see. I'm including a list of questions you might ask yourself for each area, and a list of things you can do to increase your abilities in these areas. If you want the best person possible to find you, you need to make yourself the best person possible you can be.
1. PHYSICAL.
What is my BMI? Is it appropriate for my height? Does the food I eat make me feel better when I eat it? Do I suffer from any unnecessary physical problems that could be curbed with diet or exercise? When I look in the mirror, do I feel good about myself? Do my clothes fit me correctly and emphasize the things I like about my body?
Tips--
-write a list of all the things you like about your body. Keep it by your mirror and read it while you get ready for the day.
-find a form of exercise you like. Running, swimming, tennis, yoga--just get up and move around for a few minutes every day. 15-45 minutes should do it, but be faithful, and don't give it up. Being healthy and attractive is a lifestyle choice. Exercising only when you feel especially bad about yourself isn't going to make you feel good about yourself all the time.
-eat only food that makes you feel better. Even if you like the taste of ice cream or Sour Patch Kids, it's not super likely that they're going to make you feel better when you eat them. I recommend a mostly plant-based diet, heavy on fiber and plant proteins. This will not only help you lose weight, but it is much better for your body.
-read The China Study by T. Colin Campbell. This is the most important book on health I could possibly recommend. READ IT!
2. EMOTIONAL
Do I feel victimized? Is there anyone in my life whom I cannot forgive? How can I get over these problems? Are my relationships with my friends and family healthy? If not, why not? How can I change this? Do I only surround myself with people who uplift me, or do I allow myself to stick with "friends" who only drag me down?
Tips
-make a list of the people with whom you spend the most time. Remember that you are only a composite of the five people you are most with. Are these five people who you want to be?
-do what you can to make the relationships you currently have in your life healthier. Spend some quality time with a friend, or a sibling.
-apologize and ask for forgiveness, if you need to. Pray for the ability to forgive those in your life who have wronged you.
-remember that you can only be a victim if you choose to be. Your soul is a magnet, attracting only things to it that belong there. As James Allen once wrote, we in our society spend a lot of time blaming the oppressors for oppressing--but perhaps we should also blame the oppressed for allowing themselves to remain that way. No one can make you a victim unless you have the mindset of a victim. Change this mindset today.
-read As a Man Thinketh by James Allen. It's like 70 pages long and takes less than an hour to read. You can pick up a copy at your local bookstore for like $5.
3. SPIRITUAL.
Do I know why I am here? Do I have an overriding belief in a Higher Power? Do I believe there is a reason for me to be here? Am I happy with my personal beliefs? Am I certain they are true? Am I sure I understand everything God and the Universe want me to?
Tips
-if you are unsure of your purpose, take some time to ponder it. Spend some time talking to God, your Higher Power, or the Universe, and don't be afraid to ask for answers. Be sure you are open to understanding the answers you are given, and that you are open to acting on the ideas that enter your mind and heart during those times.
-be grateful for everything you have, and for every opportunity. Thank God for your blessings--or your Higher Power or the Universe. Gratitude is one key to spiritual health.
-take the time to read the literature of other faiths. Even if you don't believe them, they may hold ideas that can help you figure out what you do believe.
4. MENTAL
Do I know enough about current events to carry on a brief conversation? Am I familiar with a variety of topics that could appeal to someone I would be interested in knowing? In which areas do I need to learn more? Have I developed opinions about important matters? Do I get good grades? Do I devote some time every day to learning something new?
-read. Every day. If you cannot carry on an intelligent conversation about a wide variety of issues and ideas, you need to read more.
-remember this order: People, Events, Ideas. These are the things human beings talk about. The "People" category is bad--gossip is way unattractive. Ideas are the things you should strive for. Do you understand a variety of ideas? Do you come up with new ideas often? If not, you should begin to search out new ideas that you enjoy learning about.
-set aside some time every day to improve your mind. Read a book, practice an instrument, make a code and write some journal entries in it. Or even just think. Try to solve a problem from a different direction.
-develop opinions on topics that matter. If someone asks you for your opinion on the legalization of marijuana, you shouldn't have to check "Not sure/no opinion."
5. SOCIAL.
Do I have enough friends? Do I like the friends I have? Am I passive-aggressive with the people I love? Do I make friends easily? If I needed help, who could I turn to?
Tips
-always try to make a new friend. Yes, it can be awkward. Just go and talk to someone who looks as uncomfortable as you feel. You'll both be grateful for the interaction.
-don't be afraid to ditch those in your life who don't build you up. You deserve people who make you feel and do your best. Seek those people out.
-read How to Make Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie.
STORYTIME WITH ALLIE
Not much of story here... I try to take an inventory of myself frequently. I recently read a book on success and it said that the most successful people in this world are those of us who are the most highly self-aware. This is because they are conscious of their shortcomings and can therefore avoid them, or fix them. I like the "fixing them" route. I strongly urge you to build self-evaluation into your life, so you can bring out the best in yourself.
Actually, here is a story. After my second major relationship exploded, I took the time to change the things I didn't like about myself. I got a whole new wardrobe, I started a pretty much vegan diet, I started running several miles every day and working out at the gym. I joined some clubs, read more books, and started trying out my opinions on people, because for the first time in a while I finally felt like I could.
And lo and behold, it worked. Four months later I was happily situated in a relationship with a very good guy, who was also very active both physically and politically. After he and I broke up, and I reevaluated myself some more, someone even better than that found me. And now he and I are very happy together. But I know it wouldn't have happened if I had allowed myself to continue as the person I had been before.
Self-improvement goes a long way. Build it into your life. Use your breakups as a launching point. We'll talk more about this later, but honestly: the only way you can get someone good enough for you is to make yourself good enough for them. Start making yourself wonderful.
Saturday, June 28, 2008
Tip #1: Know Thyself, to Thine Own Self Be True
How many times have you met a person who really wanted a boyfriend but didn't even have a clear idea of who she was? This is the first tip I'm writing about because it's the most important. Before you can begin your quest to find someone, you need to know who you are, what you need, what you like. You need to know why you are worth dating. Until you know those things, I can't really see any of your dating attempts being successful.
So, practical application: how well do you know yourself? Who are you, really? Take a few moments and think about this. If you can, write down your thoughts. These ideas will lead up to the big question: why would someone want to date you?
For some of us, figuring that part out is easy, but for others it's hard. Just quickly I'd like to mention the findings of a study I read the other day--that while men always think they're several times hotter than they are, women usually don't think they're as beautiful as they actually are. Especially if you're a woman, please remember that a lot of your virtues are ones you probably don't even take into account.
Another good exercise here is to ask several of your trusted associates to write down some of the good things about you. These lists are things you should constantly remind yourself of. At the end of the day, how can anyone else love you, if you can't even love yourself?
The quest here is to know who you are, because knowing who you are is the only way to figure out how to love yourself. And loving yourself is the first step in finding someone else to love and to love you.
So, practical application: how well do you know yourself? Who are you, really? Take a few moments and think about this. If you can, write down your thoughts. These ideas will lead up to the big question: why would someone want to date you?
For some of us, figuring that part out is easy, but for others it's hard. Just quickly I'd like to mention the findings of a study I read the other day--that while men always think they're several times hotter than they are, women usually don't think they're as beautiful as they actually are. Especially if you're a woman, please remember that a lot of your virtues are ones you probably don't even take into account.
Another good exercise here is to ask several of your trusted associates to write down some of the good things about you. These lists are things you should constantly remind yourself of. At the end of the day, how can anyone else love you, if you can't even love yourself?
The quest here is to know who you are, because knowing who you are is the only way to figure out how to love yourself. And loving yourself is the first step in finding someone else to love and to love you.
I felt like maybe tips deserve some sort of illustration to match, so I've decided to add in stories from my own life. So here is a story for you.
I think all of us have an innate loneliness, a desire to be heard and understood by someone else. Ever since I was in middle school I felt that way, but never could find anyone. It was pretty sucky, now that I think about it. At the end of high school I started dating my first boyfriend, who was madly in love with me but totally wrong for me. I was so swept up in it, though, because no one had felt that way about me before, that I couldn't bring myself to end it.
In other words, because I didn't have the faith in myself to believe that I was good enough for someone else to find, I couldn't end the bad relationship. I didn't know myself well enough to know that I needed someone better than that, and so I just settled. It was sad and unnecessary, and caused a lot of heartbreak for the two of us, as well as those around us who cared.
The next relationship I found myself entangled in was not much better. I was afraid to speak up with my ideas and opinions, and when I saw things in the guy I didn't like, I didn't feel like I could tell him, because I knew he didn't respect my ideas if they didn't agree with his. And yet, for the longest time I felt like that was all right.
Friends, that is never all right. We all deserve people who are willing to understand us as we are willing to understand them.
We can only find people like that once we accept the truth of the good things we deserve.
So, I urge you all to do what I did: take the StrengthsFinder 2.0 test from Gallup. Read some motivational books. Go through some therapy and work out your issues with yourself. Keep a journal of how you feel, and record your own ideas of how to get through it.
You don't need to be Christian to appreciate the idea in Christian theology that Christ died for us, because He loves us. If you are good enough for a god to die for, you are good enough to have a significant other who loves you, cares about you, and goes out of his or her way to treat you the way you should be treated. And don't you forget it.
Friday, June 27, 2008
Why.
This morning my friend told me I should start a dating blog. I decided, it's probably a reasonable idea. I hope to update this at least pretty frequently, and hopefully someone out there will find it helpful.
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