Tip #6: Get Over It.

We've all had tough lives. I firmly believe that everyone's life is tough. Even if you sit there and watch seven of your loved ones keel over and die in the space of three weeks, and your best friend's major issue is merely a large zit on her nose, I do believe that we are all given the trials we need. All of us suffer, and eventually have to get over it.

If you are dwelling on issues from the past, today is the day to get over them. Learn to forgive. This is a vital skill in any relationship, and you can't possibly expect to have a truly functional relationship with anyone if you haven't gotten your past issues taken care of first.

Forgiveness can be extremely difficult. All of us have been wounded by others, both intentionally and otherwise, and sometimes those wounds go very deep. Start by praying for the ability to forgive, and open your heart to the possibility of it. Remember that holding a grudge can be pretty draining. If you deserve someone who can give you their 100%, you should be willing to give 100% to them too--and you can't do that while still being a hater.

Get over your haterhood.

Of course, it's not always that easy. I've had friends who were raped, abused; how do you forgive that? How do you forgive a parent's neglect? It's not easy. While I was growing up I felt pretty neglected by my parents, and it took years of therapy and prayer to change that. Now we are on good terms, but for a good decade there we weren't. Getting over my issues with them was difficult--but you have to start somewhere. Even if the task seems impossible, you will be happy when it's over, and the first step to getting over that is to start. Decide today that you want to let go.

STORYTIME WITH ALLIE

I have a few stories here. The first involves one of my exboyfriends. This guy couldn't forgive anyone for anything. He held grudges about innocent mistakes, about minor things with good intentions. He also held grudges about, obviously, larger things. If he ever reads this it may even inflame his long-term grudge against me. Anyway, I should have been a little more alerted to his lack of forgiveness before we started dating. This habit of his was unhealthy for our relationship: I felt often like I had to tiptoe around his feelings, because if I didn't he would arbitrarily decide to hate me and not get over it, like he had with so many people and things in the past. Clearly, this was unhealthy.

A year later, I was dating my current squeeze, and I was dealing with some issues with a political enemy, my arch-nemesis. It wasn't exactly a SUPERPASSIONATE problem I had with him, but it was reasonably debilitating. For Lent, I gave up hating on him, and after longer than 40 days, it finally worked. Today, he and I are pretty good friends, even though we will probably never agree on anything politically. I know that my getting over my animosity toward him was important, because once I got over it, I was able to devote more of that energy toward being happy, making myself a better person, and helping my significant other be happy too.

And here's one more story for you. Just a little while ago, my boyfriend and I were discussing our future plans, and he accidentally caught sight of a few sentences from my journal, which he laughed at. These particular lines were pretty personal and relevant to what we were talking about, and I was pretty hurt. I was glad, though, that I could remember that he didn't know how personal that bit was, and when he apologized for laughing I could forgive him right away, even though it still hurt. The fact of forgiveness is that it isn't easy until you make it easy for yourself, and sometimes even after you forgive you still have a wound to heal alone. And that's okay. Life is painful, but you really do have to get over. Learn to forgive, because finding the love of your life isn't going to be that great if you just chase them away with your grudges.