Tip #2: Bring Out the Best

Now that you know who you are and why you're worth dating, the time has come to begin bringing that out. There are five areas in which everything in your life falls:

1. Physical
2. Emotional
3. Spiritual
4. Mental
5. Social.

The time has come for you to make goals in each of these areas and make yourself the best you can be. This is a time for true introspection--even when the things you may see may not be what you want to see. I'm including a list of questions you might ask yourself for each area, and a list of things you can do to increase your abilities in these areas. If you want the best person possible to find you, you need to make yourself the best person possible you can be.

1. PHYSICAL.
What is my BMI? Is it appropriate for my height? Does the food I eat make me feel better when I eat it? Do I suffer from any unnecessary physical problems that could be curbed with diet or exercise? When I look in the mirror, do I feel good about myself? Do my clothes fit me correctly and emphasize the things I like about my body?

Tips--
-write a list of all the things you like about your body. Keep it by your mirror and read it while you get ready for the day.

-find a form of exercise you like. Running, swimming, tennis, yoga--just get up and move around for a few minutes every day. 15-45 minutes should do it, but be faithful, and don't give it up. Being healthy and attractive is a lifestyle choice. Exercising only when you feel especially bad about yourself isn't going to make you feel good about yourself all the time.

-eat only food that makes you feel better. Even if you like the taste of ice cream or Sour Patch Kids, it's not super likely that they're going to make you feel better when you eat them. I recommend a mostly plant-based diet, heavy on fiber and plant proteins. This will not only help you lose weight, but it is much better for your body.

-read The China Study by T. Colin Campbell. This is the most important book on health I could possibly recommend. READ IT!


2. EMOTIONAL
Do I feel victimized? Is there anyone in my life whom I cannot forgive? How can I get over these problems? Are my relationships with my friends and family healthy? If not, why not? How can I change this? Do I only surround myself with people who uplift me, or do I allow myself to stick with "friends" who only drag me down?

Tips
-make a list of the people with whom you spend the most time. Remember that you are only a composite of the five people you are most with. Are these five people who you want to be?

-do what you can to make the relationships you currently have in your life healthier. Spend some quality time with a friend, or a sibling.

-apologize and ask for forgiveness, if you need to. Pray for the ability to forgive those in your life who have wronged you.

-remember that you can only be a victim if you choose to be. Your soul is a magnet, attracting only things to it that belong there. As James Allen once wrote, we in our society spend a lot of time blaming the oppressors for oppressing--but perhaps we should also blame the oppressed for allowing themselves to remain that way. No one can make you a victim unless you have the mindset of a victim. Change this mindset today.

-read As a Man Thinketh by James Allen. It's like 70 pages long and takes less than an hour to read. You can pick up a copy at your local bookstore for like $5.


3. SPIRITUAL.
Do I know why I am here? Do I have an overriding belief in a Higher Power? Do I believe there is a reason for me to be here? Am I happy with my personal beliefs? Am I certain they are true? Am I sure I understand everything God and the Universe want me to?

Tips
-if you are unsure of your purpose, take some time to ponder it. Spend some time talking to God, your Higher Power, or the Universe, and don't be afraid to ask for answers. Be sure you are open to understanding the answers you are given, and that you are open to acting on the ideas that enter your mind and heart during those times.

-be grateful for everything you have, and for every opportunity. Thank God for your blessings--or your Higher Power or the Universe. Gratitude is one key to spiritual health.

-take the time to read the literature of other faiths. Even if you don't believe them, they may hold ideas that can help you figure out what you do believe.


4. MENTAL
Do I know enough about current events to carry on a brief conversation? Am I familiar with a variety of topics that could appeal to someone I would be interested in knowing? In which areas do I need to learn more? Have I developed opinions about important matters? Do I get good grades? Do I devote some time every day to learning something new?

-read. Every day. If you cannot carry on an intelligent conversation about a wide variety of issues and ideas, you need to read more.

-remember this order: People, Events, Ideas. These are the things human beings talk about. The "People" category is bad--gossip is way unattractive. Ideas are the things you should strive for. Do you understand a variety of ideas? Do you come up with new ideas often? If not, you should begin to search out new ideas that you enjoy learning about.

-set aside some time every day to improve your mind. Read a book, practice an instrument, make a code and write some journal entries in it. Or even just think. Try to solve a problem from a different direction.

-develop opinions on topics that matter. If someone asks you for your opinion on the legalization of marijuana, you shouldn't have to check "Not sure/no opinion."


5. SOCIAL.
Do I have enough friends? Do I like the friends I have? Am I passive-aggressive with the people I love? Do I make friends easily? If I needed help, who could I turn to?

Tips
-always try to make a new friend. Yes, it can be awkward. Just go and talk to someone who looks as uncomfortable as you feel. You'll both be grateful for the interaction.

-don't be afraid to ditch those in your life who don't build you up. You deserve people who make you feel and do your best. Seek those people out.

-read How to Make Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie.

STORYTIME WITH ALLIE

Not much of story here... I try to take an inventory of myself frequently. I recently read a book on success and it said that the most successful people in this world are those of us who are the most highly self-aware. This is because they are conscious of their shortcomings and can therefore avoid them, or fix them. I like the "fixing them" route. I strongly urge you to build self-evaluation into your life, so you can bring out the best in yourself.

Actually, here is a story. After my second major relationship exploded, I took the time to change the things I didn't like about myself. I got a whole new wardrobe, I started a pretty much vegan diet, I started running several miles every day and working out at the gym. I joined some clubs, read more books, and started trying out my opinions on people, because for the first time in a while I finally felt like I could.

And lo and behold, it worked. Four months later I was happily situated in a relationship with a very good guy, who was also very active both physically and politically. After he and I broke up, and I reevaluated myself some more, someone even better than that found me. And now he and I are very happy together. But I know it wouldn't have happened if I had allowed myself to continue as the person I had been before.

Self-improvement goes a long way. Build it into your life. Use your breakups as a launching point. We'll talk more about this later, but honestly: the only way you can get someone good enough for you is to make yourself good enough for them. Start making yourself wonderful.

Tip #1: Know Thyself, to Thine Own Self Be True

How many times have you met a person who really wanted a boyfriend but didn't even have a clear idea of who she was? This is the first tip I'm writing about because it's the most important. Before you can begin your quest to find someone, you need to know who you are, what you need, what you like. You need to know why you are worth dating. Until you know those things, I can't really see any of your dating attempts being successful.

So, practical application: how well do you know yourself? Who are you, really? Take a few moments and think about this. If you can, write down your thoughts. These ideas will lead up to the big question: why would someone want to date you?

For some of us, figuring that part out is easy, but for others it's hard. Just quickly I'd like to mention the findings of a study I read the other day--that while men always think they're several times hotter than they are, women usually don't think they're as beautiful as they actually are. Especially if you're a woman, please remember that a lot of your virtues are ones you probably don't even take into account.

Another good exercise here is to ask several of your trusted associates to write down some of the good things about you. These lists are things you should constantly remind yourself of. At the end of the day, how can anyone else love you, if you can't even love yourself?

The quest here is to know who you are, because knowing who you are is the only way to figure out how to love yourself. And loving yourself is the first step in finding someone else to love and to love you.

STORYTIME WITH ALLIE

I felt like maybe tips deserve some sort of illustration to match, so I've decided to add in stories from my own life. So here is a story for you.

I think all of us have an innate loneliness, a desire to be heard and understood by someone else. Ever since I was in middle school I felt that way, but never could find anyone. It was pretty sucky, now that I think about it. At the end of high school I started dating my first boyfriend, who was madly in love with me but totally wrong for me. I was so swept up in it, though, because no one had felt that way about me before, that I couldn't bring myself to end it.

In other words, because I didn't have the faith in myself to believe that I was good enough for someone else to find, I couldn't end the bad relationship. I didn't know myself well enough to know that I needed someone better than that, and so I just settled. It was sad and unnecessary, and caused a lot of heartbreak for the two of us, as well as those around us who cared.

The next relationship I found myself entangled in was not much better. I was afraid to speak up with my ideas and opinions, and when I saw things in the guy I didn't like, I didn't feel like I could tell him, because I knew he didn't respect my ideas if they didn't agree with his. And yet, for the longest time I felt like that was all right.

Friends, that is never all right. We all deserve people who are willing to understand us as we are willing to understand them.

We can only find people like that once we accept the truth of the good things we deserve.

So, I urge you all to do what I did: take the StrengthsFinder 2.0 test from Gallup. Read some motivational books. Go through some therapy and work out your issues with yourself. Keep a journal of how you feel, and record your own ideas of how to get through it.

You don't need to be Christian to appreciate the idea in Christian theology that Christ died for us, because He loves us. If you are good enough for a god to die for, you are good enough to have a significant other who loves you, cares about you, and goes out of his or her way to treat you the way you should be treated. And don't you forget it.

Why.

This morning my friend told me I should start a dating blog. I decided, it's probably a reasonable idea. I hope to update this at least pretty frequently, and hopefully someone out there will find it helpful.